I thought the best way to introduce myself was write this post. I’m not going to tell you where I go to college or who is my 4 a.m. friend. I’m just going to talk about the basic ideology I live with. So here it goes.
The key to living a contented life is being aware of the perfect balance of holding on and letting go. (No shit, right.) But how do you know what to hold on to and what to let go. And how do you let go, anyway?
I hope to figure this out soon.
Basically I’m a very sensitive person. I give everybody the power to hurt me, because I give each of them a piece of my heart. Humans don’t handle others’ hearts very well. They tend to break it. I have been wanting to feel, whole, for so long. But I all ever felt was weak, sad and vulnerable. Now I know why. I can never be fully complete because I broke my heart a long time back and could never pick those pieces up. How could I? I didn’t know how to heal the ache, or how to piece myself back together.
Those broken fragments of my heart are still where my heart was crushed. Stuck in the moments of epiphanies, sadness, and frozen in the moments in which life interrupted me. Then there are some pieces with the people I met. People I loved, people I want to love. People who rejected me, people who left me. My heart is with them, its pieces are with them. Because that’s what I do. I give my heart to people. Often unknowingly.
But I’m not a demented, crazy bitch because of whatever happened to me. There comes a time when you fully accept these wounds, these bruises, and these scars. With time, you learn to breathe again. And then you become comfortable with this emptiness. You have to, really. Because others have moved on. Because it’s time you move on too.
So this is me, moving on. Whatever that is.This is me letting go.
Welcome to my world. My world of long rants. 🙂