Veritas

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Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.
If only you could,
Say what you need to say.

How many times have people told you to TALK about your problems, to COMMUNICATE. These are words to look out for under any circumstance. Because talking isn’t always this panacea that heals all relationships. Actually, nothing heals relationships. If they are broken, they can be mended. If they reach a dead end, it has to be ended. But it cannot be healed and made perfect again. Tell me how many times have you heard “relationships are like a page” example. Once crumpled and scrunched, it can never go back to its original state. This is in all respects, utterly true.

Like all other teenagers, I guess I realised long back that me and my fellows have all come to a stage in life, where we all talk behind each other’s back. Needless to say, not much nice stuff is said. But unlike those other teenagers (including my friends), I learnt to rise above this all, rather recently. I took the high road. And I did the wisest, most applaudable deed, of ignoring them all. Ignoring each and every little thing. Why bother with it when you know you’re bound to hurt yourself again. One thing I learned early on, through those amazing quote books, was that no matter how high a wall you build, or how much you tell yourself you don’t care about a certain thing, or a person, you are only fooling yourselves. Because you’ll always care. Deep down, you know it. I know it. So let’s face it, accept it, and move forward. And think how never to get hurt again because of that. I felt ignorance was doing it good for me.

Then I did this magical thing on a magical website, called Google. (I googled, don’t judge bro.) I wrote “How does one get closure and move on?” Not very helpful, I must add. And after some days, I realized, you never get closure! Not really. See because, closure is not a destination. It is a journey. A journey of regret, remorse, new vigour, again regret, and finally freedom. At least, that’s how far I’ve come. But then I heard that song, about how life could be made simple if you only say what you need to say. So for the lack of a better alternative, I tried talking.

And after the initial tornado has settled down, I still don’t feel better or relieved. I mean, yes, both parties layed out their problems, their miseries and what not. The only conclusion I have been able to obtain is, half that stuff was only miscommunication. So yes, talking did help us clear out the *causes* of our problems. Talking about it ensured that we blamed “not talking” for half our problems. But even with the diagnosis done, talking does not give you a solution to solve the problem.

Yes, it helped you cross half the bridge (you might have crossed, anyway, if you half-cared) but it leaves you hanging right there. How do you reconcile? How do you move forward, acknowledging all of this? I don’t know the answer.

It makes me think how actually blissful ignorance was. How content you feel not having this awkwardness between you and your partner/friend/parent/whoever. What do you do now? Hug it out? Have drinks at your routine place?

I am trying to figure this out, and so the battle between Ignorance and Communicating is still on. But as I see it, in the meantime, make your heart strong. Even if you talk it out and decide to forgive and forget, or you decide to ignore the situation altogether, do not let yourself be vulnerable again.They say having a soft heart in this cruel world is courage, and not a weakness. Well, it’s bullshit. Having a soft heart makes it easy for others to break it all over again. And seeing as most of us have been there, it’s not nice being broken. So don’t show others your vulnerability.

Throw back your shoulders, and walk with a swagger. Sometime, someday, not very far away, we’ll move on. We’ll break free. 🙂

If you have been down this road before, and you wish to save a poor teenage soul some misery, feel free to drop a comment about your survival strategy.

Until next time!

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